Make the Woman happy

Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

• You make the bed (+1)
• You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
• You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
• In the rain (+8)
• But return with Beer (-5)
• You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
• You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
• You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
• You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
• It’s her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

• You stay by her side the entire party (0)
• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
• Named Tina (-4)
• Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY

• You take her out to dinner (0)
• You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
• Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
• And it’s all-you-can- eat night (-3)
• It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

• You take her to a movie (+2)
• You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
• You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
• You take her to a movie you like (-2)
• It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)
• You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

• You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
• You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION

• She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
• You hesitate in responding (-10)
• You reply, “Where?” (-35)
• Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

• When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
• You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
• You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
• She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, “How much do you earn?”

The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, “I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?”

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, “Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!

Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don’t come back”.

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, “And that applies to  everybody in this company”.

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, “Who’s the young man I just fired?”

To which an amazing reply came,  “He was the pizza delivery guy, Sir!”

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV..

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive.