"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain Yourselves."

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great Length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "R s 50,000 for a male brain, and R s 200 for a Female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding Eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to Control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire Group, "It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the Price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used, the male Brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new"

I AM BLIND. PLEASE HELP.

There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.

That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked: “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?”

The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I also wrote what you meant but in a different way. ”

What he had written was:

TODAY IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY
AND I CANNOT SEE IT.

Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? The first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign touched their hearts. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

So,

Think differently.

THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER WAY!!

Driver, “But sir, What about your health?”

Amitabh “Nothing’s wrong with my health, I am completely fit and fine. What do you want me to do? Dance? Fight? Hain”.

What can the driver say? He sits in the back and Amitabh Bachchan start driving. He starts going in a really high speed. Breaking one red signal after another.

Finally a Hawaldar (Traffic Cop) stops his car. Walking to the car he asks for the driving license.

Amitabh Bachchan rolls down his window. The Hawaldar is shocked to see Amitabh Bachchan in the driving seat.

He quickly gets on the wireless and calls his superior, “Sir come here fast”

His superior, “Why? What happened?”

Hawaldar replies, “Sir I stopped a speeding car. Not only was it speeding, it had not stopped at a couple of red lights”

His superior, “You want me to come there to fine a speeding car? What’s wrong with you?”

Hawaldar, “No sir, I want you to come here cause the owner of the car is a really really big man. I can’t give him a ticket. Please come fast, and I think you should call your superiors too.”

His superior, “He is that big? Who is the owner of the car?”

Hawaldar, “I don’t know his name. But sir, he has hired Amitabh Bachchan as the driver.”

Just before he died he said to his wife, “When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me, I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him.

Well he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say, “Wait a minute!”

She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen I’m a Christian I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put the money in with him.”

“You mean to tell me that you put all that money in the casket!”

“I sure did,” said the wife, “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote a cheque, if he can cash it he can spend it.

A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in Dubai , I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem; I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters. First poster: a man crawling through the hot desert sand, totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place.”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

“Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.“, Little Bobby said to his mother.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby’s mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby’s mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

“Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.“, Little Bobby’s mother replied, “Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.”

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Little Booby’s first attempt :

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.

I want a red one.

Your friend,

Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year,

So he tore up the letter and started over. Here is his second attempt.

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like

A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,

Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn’t true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Dear God,

I know I haven’t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.

I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby’s mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

“Just be home in time for dinner.“, Bobby’s mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Bobby began to write his letter to God.

God,

I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

Bobby

“Your name didn’t come up in our conversation.” She replied.

FEBRUARY : Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH : Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY : Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Sexy. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Having more than one child. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE : Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY : Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Short Tempered. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Home Body. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST : Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous but egotistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead . Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Loyal and true in Love. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves to Party. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”

Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.” Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell.

It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God. “Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see
how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.

Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”

God says, “That was the screen saver“.